Monday, July 30, 2018

I stood in the security line, waiting for the security woman to go through my purple backpack.  My patience in waiting has been at a low point for the last month for all weeks except the two we spent in Scituate, when time was beach time -- relaxed.  This morning I did a few errands -- Staples to pick up my passport which I left there by mistake last night; Hannaford for razor blades; CVS for toiletries; Dr. Liu to pay for Daniel's recent acupuncture appointment; Starbuck's for cold chai latte -- and I thought, Oh, no, I factored in time to get to each place and to get what I need at each spot, but I didn't factor in time for waiting in line, waiting for my turn.  I felt antsy in any line, looking at my watch to check how many minutes I had before Dad arrived to take me to Logan.

But then the security line wait.  I wasn't thinking about the next stop, the next item on the list, not even the departure.  I was just standing there.  Waiting.  I decided to breathe.  A conscious decision to breathe.  I just stood there.  Breathing.  Breathing until the woman gestured for me to come watch her go through my purple backpack.

Waiting.  Breathing.

I've got some practice to do.  Perhaps this year, or at least this month.  I say this as I have spent hours today working on backing up, erasing, restarting, and restoring my iphone.  There are so many possible distractions.  My loving sisters send me texts.  Connor and Hannah and Mary have facetimed me just since I've been at Logan (granted that is already over seven hours).  I just skipped picking up a phone call from a dear friend in San Francisco.  I need to go quiet for a bit.  Or at least quieter.

When the computer or phone or printer does not work, the first advice IT gives is to shut the device down, count to 10 (or 30?), then turn it back on.  The last two months have been full of daily lists, of things to do, get done, and of people to see.  In summer, I usually try to balance seeing friends and getting solo and family time.  I need that down time to decompress from the school year, check out, turn off.  This summer, though, I wanted to see so many people because I wouldn't see them for almost a year.  The result was that I had more social plans in June and July than I have in an entire year, and really, it was wonderful.  These were people I love.  I do not wish the hours back for reading or sleeping or even watching movies. 

But now.  Now, as much as I already miss Daniel and the kids (call me now if you need a friend...come on come on come on...no matter where you go, you know you're not alone.  I'm only one call away.  I'll be there to save the day.  Superman's got nothing on me.  I'm only one call away....dancing every time we hear this song that now plays overhead here in Logan...), I am ready for a break from social and lists.  I told Daniel this morning, I may get to Italy and just sleep for two weeks until you all get there.

Doubtful.

But I will turn off a little bit.  Quiet my mind, body, spirit.  Breathe.

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