"Are you nervous?" a friend asked me before I left for Italy.

I told her, "The only thing I'm nervous about is missing the kids for those first two weeks."

I've never been away from the kids for two weeks.  One week for a conference in Colorado; ten days to chaperone trip to Greece; a night here or there for other teaching conferences.  But two weeks sounded long.  At the same time, any time I was worn out this summer by the demands of family life, e.g. making another meal, listening to sibling fighting, nagging the kids to do a chore, I would think, But you're going to get two whole weeks to yourself!  It will come!

On the one hand, I thought, I can't wait for those two weeks.  On the other hand, I thought, Will I get lonesome and bored and not know what to do with myself for two whole weeks without my family, friends, neighborhood, work, structure?

And now two weeks have passed, two weeks in another country.  And Daniel and the kids arrive tomorrow morning.  In the same way that I was so eager to get time to myself two weeks ago, now I am so eager to see them, be with them, feel the fullness that they bring to the days. 

The time alone has been refreshing in the most simple ways.  I've read two books, started writing again, walked, run, biked, napped.  I've explored by myself with no worries about who needs food, a bathroom, or some one-on-one time.  I've made the simplest meals and eaten pizza daily.  I've consulted only myself when someone invites me to dinner or gelato or an outing.  For the first time in a decade, I've added songs from itunes to my playlist.  Once, long ago, my sister added songs for me; adding more songs -- even though I really wanted to have more than the 7-song-loop -- felt like more screen time and more learning time than I could manage.  One morning last week I sat down and added songs.  It was a wonderfully simple and fun half hour.  Today I listened to three podcasts.  My friends talk about podcasts all the time, even share them with me.  I listen to my friends, curious about the topics, but mystified by how one actually finds and listens to a podcast.  Finally, this morning, I pressed the icon on my phone, listened to what popped up (the downfall of Bill Clinton's presidency), found a Gretchen Rubin podcast a friend recommended, and then listened to a bit of one more called "Why We Sleep."

Had it really been this simple all along to add a new song to a playlist and listen to a podcast?  Likely yes.  But it hadn't been for me.  I did not see or feel the minutes or mental energy to do either.  I felt the same about writing.  I like to write: it makes me happy.  I like thinking about what's going on, reflecting on it, discovering something new to me.  But again, I could not find the time or energy for it.  These two weeks have been a gift of time.  I've gotten to explore, and hang out, and just be.  And while I am sad for missing time in New Mexico with Daniel's family, I can't imagine having gone and stayed sane with this Italy time coming up.

Tomorrow -- or really, later today -- they'll be here.  I can't wait.