Cliche

I'm trying to think of a better cliche than the honeymoon is over.  But it's 5pm, and I've just finished grading 44 homework assignments (all reading questions on novel Flight), and I still need to use google traduttore to read the Paradiso form that I've now signed and handed in twice -- once for Mary and once for Sebastian -- about policies and procedures at Santa Maria dell' Paradiso.  So I'm sticking with the cliche: the honeymoon is over.

Honeymoon was gelato every night, dinner at 8pm, a walk every morning, some stretching every day, talking with Daniel, kids reading on kindles for hours on end.  Today Daniel was up at 4am prepping for his sixth grade English class; I head out tomorrow for a three day trip to Nympha (sp?), Terracina, and Sperlonga with SYA (Daniel and kids could come, but they have opted to stay home to get into a groove here...I am regretful that they're not coming because Sperlonga is a beautiful beach and Nympha is a stunning garden and we'll see Tiberius' grotto at Sperlonga and sculptures of the adventures of Odysseus...and I know that it is good for Daniel to teach this week, only his second week of classes, and I know that our kids should be in school not for the academics as much as for the getting some Italian practice, continuing to get used to the school, the kids, the language...); the kids have homework and are way behind on chores (baskets of unfolded laundry await the folder; baskets of dirty laundry await the runner).

We haven't grocery shopped in over a week, and not because we've been to Costco.  We did go to Tuscany over the weekend and eat at the SYA family picnic at Lake Bolsena on Sunday, but now we have no excuse other than...well, other than being overwhelmed.  The past two mornings Hannah has gone across the street to the pasticceria to get cannoli and pastries for all of us for breakfast.  We've eaten lunch at the Mensa (where SYA faculty and students and faculty families eat -- a gift).  We've eaten the picnic leftovers for dinner.

Pathetic of us?  Entirely.

Alas.

We are learning.  And trying, trying to remember to give each other a little TLC in the process.  Not always, but sometimes.

There are some big changes going on, and we are all feeling it:

1.  Connor and Hannah need to wear jeans and white polos UNDER the smocks.  They thought they had freedom.  We did, too.  After day one, Connor told us that he needed said clothing, so Saturday we hit four stores to find what he needed, and we still didn't find short sleeve white polos.  As I passed Hannah in her school hallway yesterday, she pointed at the other second graders and whispered, "I need the clothes, too!"

2.  Homework.  For the most part our parental involvement in homework has been, "Have you done your homework?" and sometimes we even forget to ask this until breakfast.  I generally look over the little kids' work not to check the work itself, but to see that they have been neat (often not).  Now they actually need our help.  I realize that soon we will need theirs.  But my goodness, we need to set aside an extra hour or two a day to do this Italian with them.  My goal this year: to be almost as fluent as a second or third grader, or, if not that, to be able to complete second or third grade homework (sans google).  Last night Connor and I read about a girl who wanted to wear a silk dress for the first day of school.  Rossa, scuola, nuova, gonna (maybe?), vado, compagni, sole, sia, va, sono.  We'll get there.

3.  Kindle reading in English now limited to 20 minutes per day for kids.  This is so harsh.  SYA director's wife/also a friend/colleague and our contact for Paradiso (yes, they do call her and not us to communicate what kids need, kids' behavior and attention, etc....puts a lot more pressure on us as parents -- no slacking!  At home in Waltham we are forgiven for being late, missing deadlines, forgetting things at their elementary school...here we actually need to do the correct parental thing.  This is entirely daunting.  She is becoming the parent of us parents.) has suggested such kindle limitations (and really, the kindles have no apps, only books) nicely...after Paradiso direttore called her to offer to meet with big kids out of class daily to help them learn Italian.  In other words, Paradiso is doing its part, and it's time we did ours.

(Sebastian requested that I follow this 20 minutes only of English reading daily...I pulled the adult card -- I just can't commit to this.  A friend once told me that it's good for kids to realize that, along with responsibilities, there are benefits of being an adult.  I am so going with this rationale so I can read before bed -- not that I find myself with more than 20 minutes to do so anyway...hmmmmm...)

4.  No movies in English.  Only Italian.  See #3 for source of this idea/mandate.

5.  Italian practice every day at home.  (Again, see #3.)  Duolingo accounts for everyone by the time we went to bed last night.

6.  We need trip #8 to cartoleria to get school supplies.  We never get it all.  We think we do.  By the next day, we realize we don't.  After our third trip, the owner started to like us.  (On our first trip, he just spoke in fast Italian, and I nodded unknowingly and returned to the shelves of notebooks.  He looked disgusted...or perhaps I was self-conscious and imagined such.)  Yesterday he and I even shared a laugh over the kids' dropping things again and again.  Me: a total look of frustration and mortification.  Him: a gentle and amused smile.

7.  We've got to get kids to school on time.  At Paradiso, one minute late = one hour late.  8 hours = 1 missed school day.  Do I care if the kids are absent some?  No -- in fact, we plan to pull them for my vacation weeks and school trips (other than this week).  But I can't have Paradiso reporting to my colleague/friend/our contact that we are not getting the kids to school on time.  Tricky tricky.  And yes, I know it's good for the kids to get to school on time.  I do.  New habits are hard.  (At home, it's easy to get to TA on time.  Of course, since Plympton is three blocks away, it's much harder to get there on time.)

8. Bedtime has got to be earlier than 11pm for everyone.  Challenging for all.

9. Parenting must kick in again -- it's time to find ways to get kids involved in life here.  Soccer or dance or basketball -- just activities that will help them meet kids and do things they like.   But this means we have to find where and how and when, and then work that into the schedule.  And we might even need to speak Italian to sign them up.

[When Sebastian was almost a month old, Daniel took him out for a morning, and I was home by myself.  I went for a walk and ended up along Lexington Street, just a busy, ordinary street in Waltham with Blockbuster (where I went in for a movie -- I loved Blockbuster.  It was like a book store for movies.  So much better than shopping online for renting movies or buying books...).  I remember walking along and suddenly being struck by our having a newborn.  And I panicked.  I thought, Oh no!  How will we know what activities he likes and what to sign him up for?  How will we sign him up?  How do you do this?  How do you help him with life and hobbies and fun stuff?  How will I know how to do this?  How did mom know how to sign us up for life?  I cried.  There on Lexington Street outside Blockbuster, alone, likely still bleeding and exhausted.   Feeling overwhelmed manifests in all different ways for folks, I suppose.  I'm not feeling that dire at the moment.  This feels practical, doable, get-my-head-around-able...and yet...]

10.  We need to work.

What's still normal: we're hanging out, not being a well-oiled machine, laughing, crying, talking, listening, working, fighting, eating, nagging, making lists, figuring things out.

At 9 o'clock last night as I finished up homework with Connor and Daniel finished up with Mary, I say to Mary, "It's not like we thought this was going to be easy."

Through watery eyes, she smiles.